I love this...
It was one of those emails being sent around a while ago. I thought of it after I posted Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi
Hope you enjoy
THE RULES OF RURAL QUEENSLAND ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road...' I drive a ute because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Pacific Highway goes to New South Wales and the Newell Highway goes the same way and continues to Victoria . Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cattle trucks that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Queensland waves. It's called being friendly... Try to understand the concept.
7. If that mobile phone rings while a mob of wild pigs are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You'd better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yes, we eat steak and chips, chops and chips and sausage and chips and they DO come with BBQ or Tomato sauce. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of barramundi season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & chicken.
12. When we sit down at the table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and tomato sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Canberra call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILLI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it'd better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. The local Rugby League and High School Football is as important here as the Storm and the Roosters, and more fun to watch. No matter what you say, that other funny game is still V.F.L.
16. Yes, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it scares the crocs.
17. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap isn't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your undies. Refer back to #1.
18. 2 inches of rain isn't a cyclone - it's a blessing... Drive like you've got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores or beer from our pubs. This isn't Melbourne - worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The creeks and rivers will be down again in a few hours. If not the SES will come and get you.
And as it isn't mine and I don't know the writer - I guess you a welcome to copy it for your own amusement :)