Thursday, May 27, 2010

Changed, Unchanged

Friday Flash Fiction
Inspired by WAG topic #24
Affected but unchanged. If all that had been was too be, and all that had been seen was true then they should have found the next move a natural progression. But no, stagnant with indifference everyone stared. There was movement but no motion. Tears fell in silence. Smiles grabbed the cheeks but no laughter was present. There was a loud siren. The noise snapped them all out of their trance. It was official, it was loud, and it started a stampede of authorised persons. The two, the couple that were unchanged yet different blinked. One went to speak while the other held a finger to hush. The professionals took over. They had work to do. Their work was detrimental. The couple looked on awkwardly, reaching out but not moving their limbs. And then in a breath, it was a moment when all changed yet they seemed unchanged. Everything that was expected became a natural progression. A little sound echoed though the walls. The first cry, their baby was alive.

12 comments:

  1. Nothing better than that first cry :)

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  2. First cries are magic. It is all the midnight ones there after :)

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  3. Very well-written Michelle. That first cry -brings back many memories.

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  4. Oh you've brought sweetest memories to my heart here
    Love

    Dulce

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  5. Great build up of tension in this, with the sweetest little ending! Nothing in the world like that first burst of life. So precious.

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  6. This was so great, you really built up some tension to the baby's first cry. Loved this!

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  7. I thought I was reading Sci-Fi until the last line; visualized a crowd standing, staring up at the mothership; something happened and some were changed but some weren't. Felt sad for those "left behind or out" -- realize now, I was reading a story you didn't write. Oops. Enjoyed it differently the second time.

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  8. This takes me back! It really is a magical sound, isn't it? Lovely piece.

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  9. I, too, liked the vague path you led me through with this story. I was wondering what it was all about and then I had a sweet aha moment with the ending.
    Very well done.

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  10. There was so much tension that I had a hard time wrapping my head around it until the end, then everything fell into place.

    Thanks for sharing

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  11. I was confused through the first read until the very end, then it was -- wow. The second reading really drove it home. They almost lost the baby, but then it finally cried. Oh the sweet blessed relief that was. Great job.
    ~jon

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