Thursday, February 11, 2010

Cold Good-bye

Friday Flash Fiction

When all was left and nothing had been overturned, Justin closed the door as he left. He walked out into the promise of a new day. He let the sun warm the coldness that had blanketed him.



It had been a rocky start, a volatile middle and a cold ending. He knew he lacked emotion, he felt nothing. He became her punching bag.


Last night when she said she wouldn’t be there in the morning, he heard the words. They fell asleep, so he thought, but now that he thought, maybe she waited for him to go to sleep and made her exit.


There was no good-bye. There was no good night. There was nothing but a cold ‘I won’t be here in the morning.’


He woke with the alarm and she was gone. He checked the house and nothing had been overturned, nothing was taken. He knew that she was gone for good.

23 comments:

  1. At least it was a quick severance!
    I love the new background on your blog. :)

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  2. Aww. So sad for him. That was a cold awakening, eh.

    I agree with Laura. Your new background is fabulous!

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  3. Brevity works for a quick departure. Nice and concise. I, too, enjoy the background.

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  4. Poor fellow. A deeper story behind this. Speaks volumes.

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  5. Sad and touching. Great story. Feel so sorry for the man.

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  6. There's a perfect stillness in this piece.

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  7. Very nice - you've done a good job of portraying the emptiness of the relationship!

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  8. As Jemi said, you did a great job of capturing the emptiness of a dying relationship.

    But I like the intrigue that went along with it too -- e.g., why would something be missing? Was it just a one night stand? Who are/were these two people to each other?

    Good stuff.

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  9. I thought he'd done something nasty when the story first started. I like how it turned around and he was hurt. He's probably better off without her.

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  10. A rocky start, volatile middle and cold ending sketched in spare strokes. This really works, Michelle. Nice thoughtful read.
    Simon.

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  11. Great flash piece. The end of the relationship...on her part is so clear. Thanks for visiting my blog today. Yours is a treat.

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  12. Thank you everyone - your comments are so so appreciated {HUGS}

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  13. Well written with some very nice (and cold) imagery. :)

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  14. So much not said added to the cold emptiness he was left with. But, you gave us hope, too...with the sun. Lovely.

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  15. I like how you don't spoon-feed your readers. There's great mystery in this piece.

    CD

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  16. You certainly bring across how OVER it is - from his point of view too. Which I suppose is a good thing amidst the cold sadness

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  17. Very coldly concise... poor guy. But, there are many that would wish for bad relationships to end this quickly and easily.

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  18. Gone for good and now the sun is shining. I'm not so sure he lacked emotion.

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  19. A cold goodbye indeed. I loved the simplicity of this.

    PS: Your new background is awesome!

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I love comments....